Monthly Archives: September 2011


Posted in: Denial, General on 09/21/11 by

Definition: The term “denial” refers to the process by which people with addictions pretend (to themselves and/or to other people) that they do not have an addiction, when in fact they do, or that their addictive behavior is not problematic, when in fact it is. Denial may happen consciously, for example, when the person lies to cover up, or it may happen unconsciously, for example, when they genuinely believe that they do not have a problem. Denial may be partially conscious, for example, when someone admits that they drink more than is sensible, but deny that it causes them problems, when in fact many of the problems they experience are consequences of their drinking.

As far back as I can remember alcohol permeated my life.  Although I didn’t know it at the time, it was the more important than family.   My earliest memories were of this strange smelling substance that my family drank, talked about, and couldn’t seem to live without.  I can picture myself as a toddler stumbling out to the unkempt living room early in the morning on weekends. With chubby little fingers I would lift the highball glasses strewn about the room to my lips.  I would drink any sauce left from the night before.  I thought the liquid tasted like medicine and found the pungent flavor alternately disgusting and exciting.  After all, this is what my parents drank when they partied on Friday and Saturday evenings.  I wasn’t allowed in the room, was put to bed quite early, but I could hear the whooping and hollering mixed with sounds from the record player. I always felt I was missing out on the fun and was trapped in my room for hours.  Of course nothing was cleaned up or put away after a night of drinking so my brother and I had a blast playing games with melted ice and the heaps of cigarette butts left in the ashtrays.  The bottles were usually empty but we managed to tilt them far enough over to taste the drippings.  We thought this was entertaining.  When it was pointed out to my mother by one of her friends that drinking the residue of mixed alcoholic cocktails might not be a good idea for her young children she replied, “There is nothing left in those glasses.  It won’t hurt them.”  DENIAL

After my father’s death my mother was in a fog most of the time.  Although I was only 9 years old I made excuses for her behavior and covered for her when any of my friend’s parents would inquire about her well being.  She welcomed the advances of the new man in her life who eventually became my stepfather.  Together they would drink a case of scotch every week to ten days.  Their libations would be delivered to them personally by the local liquor store owner, even in a snow storm.  He would trudge up the three flights of stairs to our apartment to make sure his best customers were satisfied.  Although my mother never appeared drunk, (she had the constitution to maintain well), my stepfather was on the floor often.  Since he was a huge man, and couldn’t be picked up, we would just step over him.  He would drive while under the influence and the two of them would force me to ride in the car to help with the directions.  I protested, “I don’t want to drive with a drunk and be killed.”  My mother’s answer was, “Get in.  Don’t be so dramatic!”  It was only when he ran over the maintenance man’s foot that my mother quit defending him vocally.  DENIAL

We, as a nation, are in DENIAL about almost everything, not just about drugs and alcohol.  When the truth is right in front of our face, we don’t believe it, we deny it.  I believe it is a toxicity that affects the core of our universal mind.  We are destroying ourselves and our planet because it has been too painful to accept what our souls know to be right.  It is time now to stand up and be strong.  We need to have the courage to accept the truth and the reality of what we are doing to ourselves and our mother earth.

The United States has the highest growth rates of any industrialized country in the world.  The U.S. population is growing by 2.5 million people each year.  Since 1980, the U.S. has converted more than 10 million acres of forest to suburb, an area twice as large as Yellowstone, Everglades, Shenandoah, and Yosemite National Parks combined.  Growing populations demand more food, goods, services and space.  Our advertising industry with their glitzy and false ads, encourage us to acquire products we don’t need.  The underlying message is that getting more, having more, and using more will produce happiness.  The pressure is on to accumulate things no matter what the cost.  And, the cost has been astronomical!

Our natural resources are rapidly shrinking.  The oil and gas we depend on is running out.  At the same time our demand for energy has skyrocketed.  On April 18, 1977, President Jimmy Carter gave an insightful televised speech to our country (“Jimmy Carter, The American Experience”) urging us to face the truth that, “Ours is the most wasteful nation on earth.  We waste more energy than we import.”  He began his speech by saying, “Tonight I want to have an unpleasant talk with you about a problem unprecedented in our history.  With the exception of preventing war, this is the greatest challenge our country will face during our lifetimes.  The energy crisis has not yet overwhelmed us, but it will if we do not act quickly.  It is a problem we will not solve in the next few years, and it is likely to get progressively worse through the rest of this century.   We must not be selfish or timid if we hope to have a decent world for our children and grandchildren.  We simply must balance our demand for energy with our rapidly shrinking resources.” 

President Carter presented his energy plan to Congress. His communication drew a strong reaction from special interest groups, the Saudis and the oil industry, suggesting that there was no energy problem at all.  He said, “We can be sure that all the special interest groups in the country will attack the part of the plan that affects them directly.  They will say that sacrifice is fine, as long as other people do it, but that their sacrifice is unreasonable, or unfair, or harmful to the country.  If they succeed, then the burden on the ordinary citizen, who is not organized into an interest group, would be crushing.” Today, 34 years later, we are living his predictions.  We are in a mess.  We have DENIED the truth.

I urge each of you to read the brilliant work of Thom Hartmann, “Last Hours of Ancient Sunlight.”  I was so moved by this book that I purchased 10 of them and passed them on to my friends asking that they in turn pass the book on.  Thom Hartmann is an author and an educator who comes from a place of love and peace while at the same time offers facts and figures we cannot DENY. 

Let’s start with ourselves.  I am going to take off my rose colored glasses today.  I am ready to see life as it is rather than as I think it should be. 

Count Your Birthdays

Posted in: Count Your Birthdays, General on 09/13/11 by

Or should I say, “Count your blessings.”  Today, September 13th, I am turning 70.  Wow, I didn’t think I could write the number but a beautiful card came yesterday from my girlfriend and there was nothing on the face of the card but that numeral embossed with iridescent butterflies and flowers.  I stared at it almost in disbelief.  How could it be?  Where has the time gone?

On the way to driving my teenage daughter to school yesterday I asked her the question, “Mariah, what do birthdays mean to you?”  I wondered if her answer would be, “I love a party and the presents.”   Her answer was quick and decisive, “Each year I get closer to becoming an adult.”  She is looking forward to adding years to her life when many of us are wishing we could turn back the clock.  This gave me cause to reevaluate my attitude toward this individual day that comes once a year and conjure up memories of birthdays I have celebrated, both good and bad.

Although my childhood was chaotic and dysfunctional and we had very little money, my mother made an effort to make each birthday a special occasion.  She would let me pick whatever I wanted for dinner and would make a delicious home-made cake of my choice.  There were very few presents but one year I do remember opening tiny doll clothes, for my Madame Alexander doll, that my mother had sewn by hand.  They were unique because she had fashioned underclothes, i.e. bras and panties as well as outfits.  (Keep in mind in the 40’s there weren’t companies making lingerie and accessories for dolls like there are today.)  I was thrilled with this wonderful gift and appreciated the delicious meal and cake baked in my honor.

During my 20’s and 30’s, when my codependency was in full swing, I actually don’t remember celebrating any birthdays.  Surely there must have been something but that period of my life was so deeply troubled and unbalanced I am fairly certain the anniversary of my birth went unnoticed by everyone around me including myself.  I am aware I spent many birthdays alone; it was just another day of surviving.

What a difference since I married Bryan almost 25 years ago. He has made sure that every birthday is a special day for me.  Two years ago he and Mariah put hundreds of my CD’s on a new I-Pod and presented it with a sound deck.  One year he bought me a tiny fountain for my studio because he knows how I love the sound of running water.  I remember tickets to The Wiz, the Broadway Musical which I had wanted to see for years.  Never does September 13th go by without gorgeous flowers, candy or cake and a wonderful gift.  I feel blessed to be appreciated and loved every day of the year.

Most of all today is a point of reflection, looking back to the joys of these past 12 months and looking forward to the renewal that occurs every year at this time.  My book, “It Had To Happen This Way” is now on Amazon Kindle and Barnes & Noble Nook.  This was a major accomplishment for me.  I am grateful it is being read and that I am inspiring people to find their own path to peace.  As I look forward to the days, weeks, and months ahead I feel fortunate to have achieved the wisdom that will enable me to continue teaching and sharing my work with others.  I will close by wishing myself a Happy Birthday.

Telepathic Communication

Posted in: General, Telepathic Communication on 09/7/11 by

My deceased loved ones have conversations with me.  No I am not crazy, for several years now my morning contemplation is filled with the beauty of their guidance.  This comes to me in many different forms but mostly with direct thoughts piercing my psyche as I sit quietly in meditation.  I discovered I had this ability, to receive information from the other side, about 10 years ago when I had a session with a well known medium that was adept at communicating with the departed.  After a detailed reading, where I heard from several friends and relatives who had recently died, the psychic said to me, “You are open and ready to do this type of work as well.  Just sit quietly and listen to the information that is revealed to you.  In the near future we all will be aware of the help we are being given telepathically to enrich our spiritual development.”

Since my early 20’s I have had prophetic dreams that were astonishing in their revelations.  At least once a year I would awaken with specific information, or a clear picture, of a future event.  These visions were different than the usual dreams that were confusing and superimposed with multiple circumstances. These predictive ideas would stay with me all day and haunt me until the event would materialize.  I recognized at this young age that there was another dimension of life that wasn’t talked about much.  I found it fascinating. 

Since I have had these intense dreams for so long I was able to accept the information from the psychic when she told me I could communicate with the deceased.  Many of us are not “tuned-in” enough to hear their voice.  All of us have this ability but unfortunately, most people learn to close down their awareness of this gift in the process of growing up.  This is the reason why the deceased often signal us through signs or manipulations of our environment.  They are trying to reach us with direct telepathic communication and we aren’t listening.  We must be at a place where we are vibrating at a frequency which matches their energy.  Those souls residing in the spirit world are vibrating at a much higher rate than most of us in the physical dimension. In order to communicate with us, the deceased must alter their vibration to that of the earth plane and if we are to hear them, we must adjust our vibration to their higher frequency.  This is similar to turning a radio receiver to a particular station.

Belief and desire are necessary to contribute to our overall frequency.  These are extremely important in reaching the energetic level needed to make contact with our deceased loved ones.  This isn’t difficult to do.  Each of us has a different way of being and meditating.  There are many different ways of facilitating this connection.  I will share what I do to communicate telepathically with souls who have departed. . . . . . . . . . . Each morning I awaken early before the sun has arisen. I light from 12 to 16 votive candles, turn off all the overhead bulbs and lamps, and settle into my sofa with a cozy afghan for warmth.  I ask that all I hear or feel be for my greater good and for the greater good of all of my loved ones.  And, then I wait.  I have been doing this for approximately eight years so therefore my wait isn’t very long.  A friend or relative who has departed will say something like this, “Kay, it is Debra your angel.” or “Kay, it is your mother here.” and sometimes three or more people will identify themselves.  It comes in words but the voices all sound the same.  The very first person to come to me in this meditative state was my deceased husband Joey.  I didn’t believe it was real!  I thought I was making up the words in my mind until he filled in a few facts that I didn’t know the answer to when working on my first web site.  This sort of blew me away.  He talked about his life with me, its meaning, and what it was like when you die.  From that day forward I have been open to receiving messages from any of my family and friends who want to contact me.

I am so grateful to start my day this way.  The hour flies by and I am left with answers to many pressing questions about humanity and our spiritual connection to one another.  We are all part of the same whole with our goal to progress spiritually while in a body.  Although many of us aren’t aware of this we are surrounded by guides, angels, and loved ones at all times.  We are never alone; divine wisdom protecting us. God is within, without and all about.  Since death is a part of life I urge you to open to the beauty of a spiritual communication with your deceased loved ones.  They are asking me to ask you to believe we never really die, our spirit lives forever. Once you start this practice you will flow through your day in peace and harmony.  Be open to believing.